Magical Diary: Alternative Exit from Initiation

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LogicalDash
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Magical Diary: Alternative Exit from Initiation

#1 Post by LogicalDash » Mon Mar 25, 2013 1:19 pm

The start of initiation in Magical Diary didn't contain my preferred method for getting out, so I wrote this instead. It begins mostly the same way initiation already does, with only minor revisions.

This story is presented in Fake Visual Novel Vision. (Choices are marked like this), and the ones that I Fake Pick in the Fake Visual Novel are >(marked like this).


---


Once again, we are all called to the gymnasium first thing Monday morning. There are more people here this time, but I don't see any teachers this time. Or either of the ones I know, anyway.

There are twice as many people. What's this about? I asked Virginia, but she just grinned and said she couldn't tell me.

Someone steps up to the podium. That's Virginia's brother, isn't it?
William
Good morning, everyone! My name is William Danson, and I am your incoming senior class president. But for the next week, half of you will be calling me Sir William. Welcome to Freshman Initiation.
A magical initiation ritual?
William
Before we start, I am required to give you some safety information. Nothing that happens this week should cause you physical harm. If you are ordered to do something dangerous or that you know is wrong, please go to a teacher immediately.

Now, all you freshman, please line up. One at a time, come up on stage, announce your name and where you came from, and receive one of these Initiation Handbooks.
They could have handed those out as we entered. What a pain.

Students dutifully shuffle along, announcing themselves one by one. Some of them I've already met, some names are new. Suki Sato, Jamal Meer, Pastel Rao, Luke and Logan Phifer...

Then it's my turn. After I state my name, William hands me a stapled-together paper booklet. Inside are a bunch of rules and a list of all the members of the senior class, complete with black-and-white pictures and full names.

According to this, we're required to memorize the names of all the seniors, and throughout the week we have to address them as Sir or Lady Whatever.

And there's more. We have to memorize a silly poem and recite it on command. We must never show our backs to a senior. We must never be taller than a senior. We must always respond to requests with -

Wait. William's at the podium again.
William
Now, as well as serving and honoring the entire senior class, each of you will become the property of one particular senior.

Your senior is your master, your best friend, your worst nightmare, and your only protection from the rest of us!

Stand and wait and we will choose.
He steps away from the podium while we freshmen look at each other nervously. The seniors start to move around the room, poking and prodding and calling out orders.
Senior Girl
You're taller than me, FRESHMAN! Get down on the ground!

Senior Boy
Don't turn away from me, FRESHMAN! I see your back!
I haven't stood up. I don't think I want to. Ellen and I end up kneeling, back to back, and watching as the sharks circle.
You.
I look up to see Damien standing over me. Of course, he's an upperclassman. And this must be what he was saying would happen the next week...
Damien
Mary Sue. I think you should be mine.

Mary
I, um.

Damien
Stand up.

Mary
But then I might be taller -

Damien
It's all right, you're with me. You don't have to worry about the rules if I'm with you.

Only what I say matters. Here, take my hand. I'll help you up.
(Take his hand and stand up)
>(Take his hand)
(Stand up on your own)

Well, he's not yelling at me like the others? I take his hand. He pulls it up. It hurts a little.
Damien
I said I'd help you up. You still have to make an effort.

Mary
Sorry... I'm a little nervous...

Damien
That's perfectly normal. I'd like to take you outside, just far enough so the other seniors can't see you. Then you can plan your week.
(Follow him)
(Leave on your own)
>(Stay here)
Mary
Not yet.

Damien
I'm terribly sorry, but I've picked you. It's too late for any of the other seniors.

Mary
That's not it.

Damien
Um. What do you want, then?

Mary
So, William's the senior class president? He's in charge of initiation? And there are some...questions I have about it...

Damien
That's why he gave you the handbook.

Mary
I read it.
Damien frowns and looks deep into my eyes. I don't think he likes what he sees.
Damien
I know William. I can introduce you later.

Mary
It's better to get these things settled early.

Damien
This isn't exactly the best place for a chat.

Mary
I know. But he's here, now.

Damien
...fine. Better if you follow me.
He walks very slowly toward William. Staying behind him takes more work than going ahead...but I manage.
Damien
Hey, William.
William stands up. He was kneeling down over Ellen. She's lying face up on the floor. Why is she smiling?
Damien
This has some questions for you.
He's pointing at me.

William says something to Ellen. She gets up and walks away.
William
Read the manual.

Mary
Did!

William
Fine, what is it?
(Can I leave?)
(Who gave you the power?)
>(What if I don't...?)
Mary
So there's all this stuff we have to do, plus anything our seniors order.

William
Yes...?

Mary
What if I don't?

William
What if you don't what?

Mary
All of it. I won't face the seniors, I won't crawl for them, and I won't follow any of their orders. What happens to me?

William
You mean, other than everyone hating you?

Mary
Yes.

William
I won't let you into the party.

Mary
What party?

William
Oops! I just told you about the secret surprise party that your entire class will be at this weekend. But it's not secret to you anymore, so I guess you can't come. Sorry!

Mary
Oh. Well. Does that mean I'm out of the initiation?

William
Sure does.

Mary
Okay. Thanks.
William turns and walks away from me, which is weird because Ellen isn't in that direction. I think he's trying to make me feel bad?
Damien frowns in his pitiable way.

Damien
Now, what did you have to go and do that for?

Mary
I'm sorry, I don't want to belong to you.

Damien
I was going to treat you nice!

Mary
It doesn't matter.

Damien shows his fangs.

Damien
Oh, you like it rough?

Mary
I like to own myself. Look, whatever, just leave me alone.

Damien
Oh? What happens if I don't?

Mary
Pretty much the same thing as when you bully people without a ceremony, actually!

Look, maybe it's best if we just act like we never met.

Damien
No problem, you were dead to me several minutes ago.

Mary
...Jerk.

Damien
Bitch.
I walk out. I guess the seniors who haven't left yet are having lots of fun, because nobody tries to give me any orders.

---

When she and Virginia get back to our room, Ellen is staring at me as if I'd eaten her dessert.
Ellen
William told me you refused to participate in initiation.

Mary
That's right.

Virginia
You what?

Mary
You heard it.

Virginia
Why would you do that?

Mary
I don't know, maybe bullying doesn't feel any better when it's organized and the teachers let it happen?

Ellen
It's not bullying!

Virginia
William worked really hard for weeks to set this up!

Mary
Okay. Ellen? I know you're enjoying it, but they're making us suffer for their jollies, and that is what bullying is.

Virginia--what does that have to do with anything?
They both stare at me for a while. Then they look at each other, and silently agree that I'm not in the room.

It's an awkward evening to be in the room with them.


---


This approach loses you one point each from Ellen and Virginia. Thirteen-year-old me would consider that a good thing, because Ellen and Virginia are wrong. He probably wouldn't have pulled this off, but this protagonist is named Mary Sue.

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Mystic Cake
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#2 Post by Mystic Cake » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:42 pm

Hmm I'm not so sure... I like the idea of re-making a scene to what you'd like since Hanako cannot possibly account for EVERY preferred outcome that each player would want, but even so, some parts of it seemed... iffy.

For one, William seemed to act kinda like... well, a total douche. I would think William would be more understanding of Mary's desire to not take part in Initiation, not like 'well then no one likes you!', plus I don't think he'd be so careless as to tell her about the party- I realize it was on purpose to try and make Mary take part, but I feel William would be a bit more clever about it, calling it a 'surprise' or 'present' or something once it's all done, saying 'party' means that Mary can tell the other Freshmen about it, and that ruins the surprise.

Second, Damien just gives up on Mary WAAAAY too quickly, IMO. I realize that her leaving Initiation in the canon way pretty much ruins things with him, but this somewhat more polite way (considering the canon way was pretty much 'f*ck you, I'm not doing this') would probably make him think you're spirited and proud (as a Horse would be expected to be) rather than just misanthropic, so he might still try and pursue you.

Third, I don't think that Virginia and Ellen would be so disagreeable about your not taking part either. They weren't in the canon one, and in that one Mary was more hostile towards the idea.

The idea seems sound, a more civil way to say 'I don't want to take part in this' as opposed to just walking out, but your handling of the established characters, to me at least, seems a bit awkward.

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